Life of the Mind, Mondays

Sometimes as a teacher it is hard not to be discouraged. This morning, my students all come to class--half of them what I call "just late," meaning walking in as the clock strikes 9 a.m., which is when class starts. They are slow, sleepy, hungover from their doings of the weekend... and bring no energy or vitality into the class.

We start with writing exercises meant to get their engines revving. Nothing. They lean on their hands, yawn, scribble. We read aloud, and the work is good. They get no charge from that, however, so the second bout of writing reads just as sluggishly as the first. Disconnected, sleepy bodies, turning heads to see the clock, eating breakfast they brought with them.

We read aloud again. Again, good work, but no charge for them in hearing their own work, or each other's.

We break. After break, we talk about their weekend's assignment, which had too many requirements, or didn't connect for them with the base-work writing we did last week in class to prep for it, or the format is too hard. Every answer demonstrates an "I can't" resistance. All excuses for leaving the assignment to the last minute and then doing it half-assed. "Not my fault, the assignment wasn't what I expected."

We talk about the assigned reading, from WRITING DOWN THE BONES by Goldberg. Still, they don't spark, they worry about what she means by "their voice," "having fun," "trust the process." In essence, they demonstrate that they don't trust the process, their voice, their work, and are simply fearful about where they are. Why can't it be easier? Why can't they just write without adding criteria? Why use this format, because it is too restricting? Why not use multiple voices? Again, their questions demonstrate their resistance to trust and their own possibilities.

They are the tofu Goldberg talks about: impossible to wrestle with, they are simply inert beings this morning. Everything I require, right now, is wrong--which they tell me, by sighing hugely, staring at the clock, telling they didn't get anything out of the exercise but they're sure I had a reason for assigning it--they just couldn't/didn't do it as I laid it out and if they did, it failed for them. But the thing that is wrong is the assignment, not their own resistance. They are stuck in their process, unwilling to acknowledge that they've reached a place where they must work harder to achieve success. Untrusting of their own talent or ability, so undercutting it by presenting poor work and blaming the process.

What they don't understand is that they are creating a failure trap for themselves: they'll tell themselves they fail because the assignments were "wrong" or "too hard," not because they didn't step up. Not because they slipped the criteria (because they were "hard") or because they put off the work (because they were "busy"). Their writing is not about me, but about what they bring to the assignments and to the class--which, today, was discouragingly little.

On another day, they'll be lively and fun. They'll jump in and grow. They'll stop standing betweenthemselves and the work, and they'll be fine.

But that is another day.

October's music videos

#9, Foster and Lloyd, "Texas in 1880"



This duo was great.

Express Lane Checkout, plus

Okay, adding to this--as if it wasn't enough--I challenge myself to give away 5 items of clothing (or more) per week of those things I do not wear. Already lined up this week's 5 items: one Boden dress I have worn once since I bought it two years ago, two culotte skirts, one pair red heeled sandals I "had" to have, and one pair of very cute black-and-white cutout pumps I never wore this summer.

Makes it very clear where my money is going... and not to good places.

Challenge: Express Lane Checkout -- Starting today!

Again, obsessed with my own consumerism and "stuff," I am taking up Duchesse's challenge, which comes out of the Six items or Less challenge.

From October 17 to November 14, I'll be wearing the same rotating series of pieces. To work, to social events, etc.

First, my 15 items (After all, express lanes are 15 items or less, n'est-ce pas?):

1. straight-leg jeans (of course!)
2. black trousers
3. black pencil skirt
4. black gored skirt
5. white V-neck tshirt
6. black V-neck tshirt
7. white shirt
8. blue shirt
9. red silk tunic
10. purple pullover tunic
11. black V-neck pullover
12. black turtleneck
13. black sweater dress
14. black open cardigan
15. long blue cardigan

Obviously, that's a lot of black. Especially for Big D. But I wear a lot of black anyway, and this will make me focus on using my accessories--especially scarves and shoes--creatively. The tshirts are staples for me: I wear them as layering constantly, under pullovers and shirts in a climate that is always cockeyed in terms of temperatures.

One of my decluttering goals is to eliminate duplicates and extras in areas like clothing. Do I really need three red sweaters, all with different necklines or weights? Can I get along with one? Ditto blue, and turquoise, and purple, and gray, and brown, all my go-to colors.

The philosophical issue here is also key. I am someone who loves clothes, style, dressing up, experimenting with different looks--always have, from the first moment I started making clothes for my Barbies and saying a definitive "no!" to saddle shoes (had to wear them anyway, and did not like it!). But style is different than fashion, yo, and as a woman now in her mid-life, short, and battling weight, I am aware that I am not the demographic for designers. And anyway, who wants to be owned by her clothes?

When I went back to teaching after my '08 sabbatical (pardon me, research leave), I spent a semester actually living this experiment without knowing it. I wore only the following: jeans (2 pair), black pants, black pin-striped pants, black cashmere pullover, brown cashmere pullover, white tshirt, black tshirt, gray tshirt. At least four days a week I rotated these options (8 choices). I didn't even vary accessories: I wore the same two scarves, same two pairs of ankle boots, same two skinny belts, and a few pairs of earrings.

The result: No one noticed!

Or at least, no one said anything to me. Somewhere around March, I thought, "Is this a problem?" and went on. Threw out the tshirts in May and bought three duplicates (at Target). Sooooooooooooooo.... ???

My goals here:
1. to disconnect from clothes I don't wear so I can consign/Goodwill them
2. to utilize scarves and throws to the max, and discard the ones I don't wear
3. ditto earrings, necklaces, pins, and other jewelry
4. to spark creativity in a new way
5. to re-think my relationship to clothes, style, and my body
6. to save money by not spending on clothes (especially clothes I don't wear!)
7. to develop appropriate and appealing outfits for the life I live, not the life I used to live or don't live.

Reports and updates every week, probably on Friday or Saturday.

October's music videos

#8 "In the Navy" -- but this is the Muppets, not the Village People

Why? All VP videos are no available.... and this is, uh, hilarious. As itself and as a stand-in for the VP.



I highly recommend that you visit YouTube and watch the original VP videos. Late 70s: and so far ahead of their time!

Cooking

This week, I cooked very little. I had to finish off a few leftovers from the end of last week and I ate out twice.

The main dish I cooked was white beans and sausage, using three of the remaining Aidell links, in the variety of Chicken/Spinach/Feta Cheese. Using a little white wine, chicken broth, and herbes de provence, I got a simple (tres simple!) kind of cassoulet. Just shows one should always have bacon on hand: that would have added a great flavor as well as just being bacon. I am currently trying to use up all the dried beans I have on hand, as well as become a more proficient bean cook. Usually I simply open a can, but in the interests of frugality and flavor I am focusing on dried beans right now. I'm going to try this recipe again, and if it turns out a little better (more patience with beans and some bacon, less herbes de provence and more oregano) I'll document it here.

Cassoulet, real cassoulet is an all-day, multi-ingredient kind of dish that is completely worth it, but better to order in a French restaurant for me, right now. But it is a rich, hearty dsh that would be wonderful in the cooler autumn weather.

This coming week, I plan to cook Chicken, Apples, and Onions, taking advantage of seasonal offerings, as well as a different type of Pumpkin Soup. No beans this time. I would also like to use a real pumpkin,not canned, but again time is a factor. 

I also bought some great pears, and with the addition of some spice and bottle of red wine plan to make poached pears--again, a great dish in the crisper autumn weather.

October's music videos

#7 Janis Joplin "Piece of my Heart"



Not strictly a music video but a clip of Joplin on TV live.