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Showing posts with label teaching life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching life. Show all posts

Thursday, January 17, 2013

2013 Resolutions Bunch #2: Community

Community: family, friends, colleagues, Small to large, overlapping.


Community is one area I want to really improve upon this year. In 2012 I realized I am an introvert, not really news to me but I am processing that as a personality characteristic in a different way than I used to.

In the last few years, I have noticed that my own step into "mid-life" status as a women without husband, partner or kids has affected my interaction with others. I've also noticed that the lack of friendly social interaction in my department (which is not about me, but changes in the department overall). The outcome is that I am required to put more effort and more reach into meeting people, making and keeping connections, and simply getting connected.

Of course, the first and most important circle is family and close friends. In a world full of facile global interaction, this is harder than it seems -- and easier.

This also works by focusing on what I enjoy and connecting with people who also enjoy it. Oh, and getting out of the house.

So, resolutions:
  1. being more mindful of my close family and friends, contributing more to those relationships.
  2. putting in more regular time (back to "resources") on relationships, whether personal or professional.
  3. developing two new circles of outreach and connection,
  4. one of which comes out of spending more time on a hobby. 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Following up the follow-up

In the spirit of "good news, bad news":




Yesterday I spent a dee-lightful lunch with a colleague (not that one) at her home. We ate outdoors by her pool, surrounded by Texas wildflowers and her potted succulents. We congratulated ourselves on individually successful years and accomplishments, and chatted lightly about students graduated and on-site. I met her cats and dog, we ate enchiladas she made and apricots I brought around.

Altogether a nice, happy, laughter-filled lunch. Oh, and totally missing the b.s. of last week's encounters.


Both of us have grown and come through a difficult patch in our personal lives but also our professional lives. Like me, she works on many projects outside the department (as well as in) and generously gives her time to students and professional colleagues. She's found a better way to continue working--lots more energy here, frankly.

We're talking about partnering on a project next year. I think it will happen, if I can get the script translated.


Then I spent the evening with another colleague at a meeting where I am a new member. Whee! Okay, the meeting was too long and confused, but she and I had drinks after and caught up. She's had a recent disappointment that I spent some time convincing her was, in fact, a weird kind of blessing. And it is: cat's out of the bag, she's off the hook, etc. Two years on the school's dime (with benefits) to develop her own projects. Go for it.

Yet another pleasant, open, honest conversation. Wow.



And then... "bad news":


Apparently a recent email of exchange of mine sparked hurt feelings for another colleague.

No, I didn't talk about him to someone else, or to him about himself. What I did was talk to a third party about a program that I might have some interest in, sharing my opinions about what I'd like to see (after prompting by third party) and stating that I wasn't aware of what was being developed.

Apparently, this is a case of letting people know "the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing," which is bad form. Ironically, MY bad form, according to my colleague... who never told me anything or asked me to participate. Well, shut my mouth, you big baby. You don't share, but boo hoo because I make you look like you didn't do your due diligence? which you didn't? boo hoo hoo.

And you slapped me in front of my chair, my dean, and the head of international programs? Oh no you din't.

Wasting my time.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Joan Project

This year is the 600th anniversary of the birth of Jeanne d'Arc.


One of my colleagues on campus is a Joan scholar who also teaches a kick-ass course in Joan. In this class, she covers the primary evidence of Joan's life (including the transcripts of her trial), her military campaigns, and finally the interpretation of Joan as a character and cultural touchstone. The fact is that over the last six hundred years there have been one hundred plus performance pieces with Joan as a central character: plays, operas, song cycles, ballets, and films. Artists who have written about Joan include Bertolt Brecht, George Bernard Shaw, Shakespeare, George Melies and Roberto Rosselini.

That means there is approximately one text for every six years.
The first one was written even before Joan was executed--during her lifetime, in other words. Some ofthe texts are biographical, some are fantastical, and some simply use Joan's life and legend as an influence.


Last semester, I proposed an interdisciplinary event celebrating Joan's birthday. My ideas were bigger than we had time to realize, but the final project will be great for my students, my colleague's students, and the Creative Writing students who are taking the class and can do a creative project instead of a research project. These are student poets and fiction writers in the English department.

What's the outcome?
My colleague has offered two days of class for this project. Students from Medieval Studies, Creative Writing, and Theatre will present original student texts in class. My students' plays will be readings, using the students of the class as actors. The poets and novelists will read their original work or excerpts of their original work. Bonnie will lead in with a discussion of Shaw's play, but her brilliant website offers excerpts from films and plays, as well as a complete listing of said performance pieces.


What does this mean?

An interdisciplinary celebration of student writing and performance. An outlet for students' creative work--based on research and primary documents. Production credits for student playwrights. Good for students, good for Joan, good for faculty.


Go, Team Joan!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Ama Ata Aidoo

One of my working projects for this coming month is directing two short staged readings by Ama Ata Aidoo, an African playwright, novelist, poet, and activist who is currently a Visiting Professor at Brown University. She was Minister of Education in Ghana and is coming to our campus for a conference on African Literature.



She'll speak on human rights in Africa.

So far I have worked with the conference director to set this up, chosen excerpts, and now I am casting the roles. It turns out that I can't use our students because it's probably during a Saturday rehearsal period and my chair and the director agree that that is more important. The upside of that is that I can recruiting students from all over campus to be in it. Three young women from one of the classes, but also some music and dance students.

The ironic thing is that the timing coincides with the very first day of our playwriting festival. So I'll miss introducing that first play; I'll have to sneak in late.

I think that's okay, however, since the Aidoo event celebrates huamn rights, women's rights, and a woman who is doing something very, very important in the world. I love bringing my students' plays to the world, but this is special.

Here she is talking about one of the plays, Dilemma of a Ghost.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Friday notes & 9 in 9 projects



Yesterday's "No Spend Thursday" was a success, mostly because I was home all day. That doesn't guarantee no spending, of course, thanks to the 'net. I avoided temptation by doing my email and blogging early, then keeping busy with other tasks all day:
  • laundry: washing all small rugs
  • sweeping and washing the kitchen floor
  • shredding and taking out all trash, including recyclables
  • cooking a meal completely from my pantry: Sausage and Garbanzo Stew
  • going thru my closet for clothes that need maintenance or dry cleaning (at the end of the season)
  • planning my next three cooking menus from the pantry and grocery store
  • cleaning and fixing the bird feeder
  • napping (yes, it was necessary!)
Our Spring Break begins today, so in honor of 10 days of no classes, I am addressing two lists of "to do" tasks I've been putting off for this very occasion.



Instead of a "7 in 7" I'm instituting a "9 in 9" list, meaning 1 task per day for the next 9 days, until classes resume.
  1. Get car's bumper repaired
  2. Sell books, etc. to local shop
  3. Deliver printers to Salvation Army (no, I never...)
  4. Visit Tax Man and get 2011 taxes in (early?)
  5. Put dress on eBay
  6. Sign up with Habitat for Humanity
  7. Contact new retirement fund for re-diversification of funds
  8. Contact old retirement fund for information
  9. Clean apartment top to bottom in one day
Some of these tasks will take an hour, some a whole day. No matter. Several of them center on financial resources because by the end of March I want to be done thinking about monetary tasks on a large scale.



Because I have recently re-discovered that not including creative projects is, for me, the equivalent of going without meals, here are 9 creative tasks I hope to work toward, if not accomplish:
  1. finish 2nd manuscript and edit; submit to editor
  2. catch up with playwriting binge, for a total of 18 submissions
  3. write 5 pages/day on current play
  4. read 5 new books
  5. blog every day
  6. exercise 20 minutes daily
  7. edit 20 pages of 1st ms. for editor
  8. create two creative assignments for students
  9. create/design syllabus for new fall course
Again, some of these will take only a couple of hours over one day, but some will require time everyday.



The goal is to return to classes and the last 7 weeks of the semester with these things behind me, my batteries recharged, and my attitude adjusted for the long haul of the final push.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Universe, Frugality, and Me

This week:
  • I got the payments from selling my Senseo coffeemaker and my Nook First Touch in my checking account
  • I found the shampoo I love on sale in the large bottles, for 50% off (only worry: are they discontinuing this choice? Well, if they do, I have 5 LARGE bottles, about 2.5 years' worth of shampoo before I have to panic)
  • I confirmed two student-based projects, one allowing young African-American actors to perform the work of an African playwright who will be on campus for a literary festival (they'll do brief readings from her two plays for the festival and for her!), and a second for my young writers to get their "Joan of Arc" plays up and in front of a group
  • I'm giving two guest lectures for a colleague in screenwriting
  • I'll have a surprise guest lecturer at my own class for playwrights on Friday
  • and, although I'll be sorry later (think May!) the warm, sunny weather now is a delight



Saturday, December 17, 2011

Winding down: the Final 48 and a Hanukkah Treat!

I am definitely winding down, both in terms of energy/accomplishment and this semester.

I only have two tasks ahead of me for the "official" teaching semester left, and both will be done today. Then I have a handful of tasks for tomorrow (Sunday) before I leave town, cat in hand, for the holidays.

My local gifts have all been given. Having coffee now with one great friend and lunch today (or, hopefully, tomorrow) with another couple.

Social obligations: check!

Housecleaning. Is there anything as irritating as coming home to a sloppy, dirty house? Don't think so, so everything needs to be whisked through (at least) so that the house smells good, sparkles, and the trash is out, the laundry done, the dishes put away, the fridge emptied out.

Of course, I have a list.

Resolves for vacay:
1. Have fun!
2. Finish novel for editor
3. Write 2 book reviews
4. Go to the gym or work at-home treadmill everyday: build up stamina!
5. See family and friends as much as possible!
6. Prepare syllabi for spring semester
7. Consider goals for 2012: specific and general
8. Read a lot!
9. Watch TV: bad bad bad reality shows, NCIS, The Closer (final season!), and generally revel in having full access to the tube for 3 full weeks... it's like heroin to me.

And yes, I LOVE this!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I admit it: I'm crazy

It's a seasonal thing. Perhaps if My U had trimesters instead of semesters, the entire November-to-January holiday season wouldn't bring on a fit of vapors and waves of resentment, but it does.

Why?

My own fault: I overscheduled meetings with grading and evaluations and reading plays and friends. Every year I wonder why I don't learn, but I never do. Or... one friend suggested I was too conscientious: just buzz through the exams. Just whiz through the plays and papers. Just whip out the end-of-semester evals.



On some level I know she's right: students barely read and register their written evals at this stage: they're too tired, burnt-out, or hyped for exams to log the very real suggestions made about their attitude or growth, unless it is unequivocally positive. Even then, their internal self-critique suggests we're a/ lying, b/ stupid, or 3/ whizzing thru the writing... It is a challenge to get them to take positive criticism gracefully.

On another level: people in administration (above our individual chairs) seriously do not get what we do during this period--and by "do" I mean giving exams and all that goes with it but even the varying nature of the coursework that demands different methods of evaluation. For example: in the theatre history course, it is appropriate to give a 3-hour final to test their knowledge of terms as well as their synthesis of concepts. In playwriting, however, it is appropriate to ask them to write or revise previous exercises in writing (beginning: ten-minute plays, advanced: full-length plays). In neither case, can an electronic Scan-tron test be given: so the notion that 48 hours after an exam period is enough time to evaluate, grade, and post grades for all comers is, well, stupid.



But there you are: the divide between faculty and administrators.

It is also ridiculous to ask professors--who do not choose the time of their final and cannot change it--to grade finals under the duress of time, which only leads to stress. When grading finals, the fact is that one should read no more than 5 essays or papers or short plays in a  row before taking a break...  because if you're asking students to think, you cannot grade their work like a short-answer true/false exam.



The conundrum is that we professors are asked to address students with rigor--high expectations, complex concepts and skills, prepare them for the professional and adult world--but not at the expense of timely posting of grades.

Sigh.

Makes me realize that, again, I'll have to adjust my timetable next semester to avoid the Maytime frustration of this same deal. Final plays due earlier. Final papers (in my drama lit course) due earlier. Plan for others' parties, final meetings, and so forth by avoiding the crush of time... And makes me realize--again--that faculty are now operating in a consumer culture where the administration is most interested in the customers' happiness--and not, in fact, any of the things they say they are interested in. But in this economy, when the customer is paying $50K per annum for the product, one can see why their complaints might be louder, their voices might be heeded, and we might just be becoming a service industry.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Apologies... and a treat (hey, it's the holiday season!)

I've been neglecting the blog posts, because I've been:
  1. writing and delivering 40 individual evaluations for my undergraduate students, as well as wrangling 3 sets of evaluation meetings between faculty teams and 50 individual students
  2. giving a review and final exam for 29 students
  3. collecting, reading, and grading plays by 10 adult students, 9 juniors, and 3 seniors (total of 36 short plays and 3 long plays)
  4. reading and evaluating 100 applications for 1 job opening
  5. ordering books for next semester's classes
  6. creating end-of-semester handouts to demonstrate to students what skills and knowledge they have accrued over 15 weeks
  7. developing surveys for each course to help me plan improvements for next fall
  8. oh, and attending three holiday parties...
Not much. Sigh. it always makes the holidays so stressful. But the evaluations and exams seem to have gone very, very well.

But in the spirit of giving, here's a treat.

Friday, October 21, 2011

And the good news keeps coming...

Today I had three productive meetings. (I know: hardly seems possible!)
First, with one of my writers to talk about her play. Lovely meeting, lovely discussion. Very productive.

Second, with a colleague in French who is part of a conference bringing in an African playwright next semester. I have agreed to stage excerpts from one or both of her plays during the conference with our students; we might find a second staging and an opportunity for students from multiple departments to meet and question the playwright, depending on how my chair responses.

Third, with a colleague from Creative Writing with whom I hope to form an alliance to connect our students in projects writing across genres: plays, screenplays, prose, and poetry.

Great "first step" meetings, all of which will bear great fruit, I hope.

Great Fruit

Sunday, October 16, 2011

What am I doing, then?

Warning/Disclaimer: Serious Questions verging on Rant

Recently, I was informed (along with my co-workers) that the most important experiences of my students during their time in college come not from my classroom (or any classroom) or from their work in our mainstage performances, but from their own independent productions.

In fact, it was emphasized that their future success will come primarily from whether or not they direct, act, stage manage or design these independent shows. Not from anything learned from their faculty. Not from any application of analytical or critical work or study of literature. Not from any evaluation of projects, even to allow students to articulate their own intentions or aesthetics.

I found this... astounding. And quite unsettling.

It is agreed, further, that we put no guidelines or limits on their choices of material or how to handle that material. That there is no post-mortem to evaluate or even discuss how they did what they did, even when students use monies from school grants or divisional budgets. That there is minimal, if any, supervision. That encouragement is the only approach. And by "agreed" I mean "understood," a slightly different nuance, but the two words are interchangeable in this context, because the subject was never discussed.

What I hear, I think, is that despite achieving tenure, earning three degrees, and 24 years of practical experience as director, playwright, and literary manager, I may be completely useless to my students' educational process. And by "educational process," what is meant, it seems, is a self-organized series of student-driven and student-focused events without the outcomes of grading, analysis, critique, or review of any kind.


In fact, I strongly believe in encouraging students to take artistic, aesthetic, and collaborative risks, to expect them to challenge themselves by taking on unfamiliar and difficult material, and to move them toward interdisciplinary collaborations and mixed-media events. But I don't see the problem in also creating a rubric for post-event analysis, for articulate and public discussion before, during, and after the performances, and for faculty providing informed critique to their students on multiple levels. After all, that is why the university employs and tenures faculty, to hold those conversations in the classroom and out, if I am not mistaken.

If a student doesn't want or need these, why then is this person at university? Go West, Young Man or Woman (or East) and get thee to auditions! This, too, is a time-honored form of entering show biz--in fact, this is the one that is millenia-old, while university programs in theatre and theatre training haven't been around for even a century.

I'd love to take part in a series of conversations wherein students articulate and discuss their artistic, political, and interpersonal choices. Where they must recognize failure as well as success, on several planes. Because they'll have to do this, too, to get grants, residencies, financing, jobs and roles, as well as the time and space to produce their future work.

I also don't understand the statement of disconnect between the skills and techniques we teach in the classrooms (including those in history, dramatic criticism, and cultural studies) and production processes and outcomes.


After all, the faculty are members of (and paid by) an academy of learning--a university--which requires a huge amount of money per student per year to attend this specific program with the expectation, I would imagine, that students (and their families) pay so much money in order to study with faculty hired by the university as intellectual and practical experts. Not simply the opportunity to work in a variety of spaces with minimal resources without accountability.

And whether the money is paid by parents, scholarships from the university or other sources, loans from the government, or some other resource, the traditional notion is that while extracurricular opportunities are necessary and exciting, the tuitions and fees are aimed primarily at the chance to work with superior faculty--all of us--and to learn from a variety of approaches and points of view.

Or that's what the brochures say.

We know that students learn as much if not more from failure than they do from success, or from working within boundaries and limitations than they do from being turned completely free.


What if they can't even identify the difference between failure and success? or see how a failure is also an opportunity for success, or a partial success, or simply growth?

What if they have no accountability? How will that prepare them for working for someone else, or applying a grant, or thinking a process all the way through, or weighing consequences?

What if they can't articulate their goals, beyond "Let's put on a show!"?

What if they receive nothing but encouragement and positive support, where critique of any kind is seen as negative?

Then, to my mind, no matter how many shows they've put on to the applause of their peers and their family, we've failed them.

Monday, August 22, 2011

First Day of the Semester

At My U, today is the first day of fall 2011.

Not a bad first day: met with both writing classes. Beginning playwriting seemed fierce and surprised at how much fn we had. Advanced playwriting seemed truly interested in the challenges ahead.

Of course, I have some nice perks for the advanced writers, which are just starting to emerge...

Tomorrow is the big, lecture-oriented class... so we'll see what happens then.

So far... so good.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Anticipation

I am in the happy position of anticipating a no-teaching summer. I may be wrong--my July class may surprising "make" given the vagaries of athletes' need to graduate--but probably I will have the luxury of a summer devoted to research, reading, and writing...

Research: My book on actresses in Paris, 1850-1900. I want to draft a decent book proposal. Sigh. I am looking forward to not only reading material but hard-core research in my campus library (sad little thing!) and through Inter-Library Loan. I have a stack of new books and articles to catch up on or to examine more closely.
Like this:


I am also keeping my hand in 17th-century research by writing a conference paper for November which will become an article (I hope!) about Moliere's dramaturgical trope of the "front door" on his Parisian stages.

Like this:



Reading: Yeah, see the list of 50 books, not at all depleted. I have most if not all of these books in my house or on the Nook. Time to get crackin' on that list!

Writing: The play (of course) which is now in better shape than it was pre-April's script frenzy, the current novel, the book proposal, the Moliere article, the May conference paper...

Yes, it will take a schedule and focused, devoted time daily to achieve these goals. Thank goodness! As a writer and academic, I have to say that the uncluttered summer, when I can devote my time, my creativity, and my intelligence to my own writing rather than mentoring stduents, is a wonderful part of my job and my career. I have the luxury of knowing that from May 15 to August 15, it is all about me.

One of the things my non-academic friends do not get is that even if I am not teaching, my summer is not free. My work week from August 15 to May 15 is filled with class meetings, preparation for class meetings, committee and service work for my department/school/university/profession, mentoring, and "creative/scholarly activity" -- like conferences and publication.

Summer is the time you can devote to your own professional, creative, intellectual growth and advancement. Which in turn feeds your students with your own professionalism, risk, and accomplishments.

I'm also planning on spending the summer revamping my theatre history course for sophomores. Changes in students as a whole have prompted me to rethink how I deliver the material. I'll be working on a new outline and lectures for that class. I'll also be refreshing the seminar I plan to give next spring, which is an upper-level course in perfromance studies. It's been a while since I taught it and I need to research new readings, re-organize the syllabus, and prepare lectures and power point presenations (I have learned that Christman break is not the time to do this!).

And these are only my professional/creative goals!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Beautiful Boy, the film

Meant to post this yesterday, but Monday got away from me.



On Saturday I got to see the film produced by my former student, Lee Clay, titled Beautiful Boy. It is a lovely feature film written by Shawn Ku and Michael Armbruster and directed by Ku. The film stars Michael Sheen (Underworld, The Queen) and Maria Bello (History of Violence, ER) -- two fot he hardest working actors in film and TV. The film is an intimate view of a couple who discover that their only son committed an act of violence and then killed himself.

The film is not about the violence or sensationalism of the act, nor about the media frenzy or placing blame. It is about a couple on the verge of divorcing who, because of a terrible, unexpected event, are forced to rediscover who they are individually and as a couple. Beautiful Boy focuses on the actors--including a small group of supporting actors--and on the intimacy of the relationships.

I expected to either cry or find it melodramatic, but instead I was moved by the strong writing, acting, directing, and production values of the film. It is a "small" film by Hollywood standards (made for something like $750K), but honest and simple. The moving camera at times irritated me, because it cut off my ability to witness reactions or continue focusing on the actor-character without acknowledging the director (man behind the camera)--this is a contemporary convention of younger filmmakers, and I am willing to be done with it. I know there is a person behind the camera, but frankly, I don't need to see you to enjoy your craft and creativity in the film. I think it calls attention to the wrong thing and just makes me jittery.

That said--I recommend Beautiful Boy. Limited release June 3 (NY and LA), opening on wide platforms through October (new terms I learned!). This is a film for adults, folks, not teens.

And, yes, in part I am thrilled because it was my student (go, Lee!) who produced it--but he, Michael, and Shawn came to meet my students last Friday and so generously spent three hours answering questions, chatting, and simply being delightful. It is great to see your students grow up and do you proud.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Final day, Final performance

Well, my students' "7 plays in 12 days" is coming to an end...

I am ready! Spring Break starts tomorrow, and I can enter it with the distinct satisfaction of successfully shepherding seven playwrights through the revision/performance process to completion.

Meaning: a return to my own work!

I plan to start with a return to routine writing times throughout the week, with simple daily goals.
  • writing 5-6 pages daily on my novel-in-progress
  • drafting 2-3 abstracts for autumn conferences
  • outlining and researching the paper I am giving in May in Boston
My plans for the break seem ambitious, even to me. Since I am building in naps (lots of naps!), reading for pleasure (lots of pleasure! Lots of reading!), and exercise in the forms of walking and biking, it also seems do-able and sane.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

New Opportunity

As I said yesterday, it is possible that a new opportunity is presenting itself. I am being cautious only because the whole situation is still vague. That's part of my interest: can I shape this new opportunity? Maybe, if I don't wait too long.

In a way, this is something that has been coming for a long time. In another way, this is brand-new, unexpected, surprising. Which is good: nothing much has been surprising for quite some time.

Of course, change means shifts, complaints, rough edges, uncertainty, and discomfort, as well as new possibilities. Nobody likes change, especially when it forces change on them.

But, again, this is a possibility that doesn't seem like a dead end. Instead, it feels exciting and like an open door--as if it is leading somewhere, instead of nowhere. The fact is that colleagues and even my department haven't supported this key program for some time, beyond the basics. To see and feel this has been sad and frustrating, but priorities shift and programs evolve. What is hardest is to hear colleagues simply devalue students' work: I have been told about this by students, who have heard it from other professors outright in class, or, as yesterday, to be told that students' work is "painful" to watch. That's right: the one sure thing in our business is that students will be awkward, clumsy, make missteps, and sometimes look completely awful. They're in training, right? So "painful" is par for the course... admit it or not. What we're supposed to focus on is their growth, their improved skills, and their evolving artistry.

That's my opinion, and not a majority one, it seems, in terms of this particular program.

I do not want to dwell. This is an opportunity, and I want to make it even more than it seems, something really great. Something new--which I need, too, as I said. So... onto making plans.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hello, Universe!

Weirdly, since I started de-cluttering opportunities have emerged. Isn't that the universe signalling something?  Could be.

In any case, to date I've met a guy who overheard (listened to) some meetings with my students and is interested in getting me to write for his blog. Which is the blog for a local yoga center. Hmm.

Today, I got what might be an opportunity to profoundly change something that is actually stifling me. Something I believe in, but which has become a huge (HUGE) burden, especially as colleagues have baled on it. I have to go home, process, and consider the great, open, shifting possiblities... and how soon I can jump into them.

And this, just an hour after I urged my students to reconsider writing assignments as opportunities to write/create something, not boxes to be checked to make me happy/satisfied. Me, too.

I feel like I want to go home and fill three MORE bags with clothes, linens, and "stuff" to open up even more of the possibilities around me.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Life of the Mind, Mondays

Sometimes as a teacher it is hard not to be discouraged. This morning, my students all come to class--half of them what I call "just late," meaning walking in as the clock strikes 9 a.m., which is when class starts. They are slow, sleepy, hungover from their doings of the weekend... and bring no energy or vitality into the class.

We start with writing exercises meant to get their engines revving. Nothing. They lean on their hands, yawn, scribble. We read aloud, and the work is good. They get no charge from that, however, so the second bout of writing reads just as sluggishly as the first. Disconnected, sleepy bodies, turning heads to see the clock, eating breakfast they brought with them.

We read aloud again. Again, good work, but no charge for them in hearing their own work, or each other's.

We break. After break, we talk about their weekend's assignment, which had too many requirements, or didn't connect for them with the base-work writing we did last week in class to prep for it, or the format is too hard. Every answer demonstrates an "I can't" resistance. All excuses for leaving the assignment to the last minute and then doing it half-assed. "Not my fault, the assignment wasn't what I expected."

We talk about the assigned reading, from WRITING DOWN THE BONES by Goldberg. Still, they don't spark, they worry about what she means by "their voice," "having fun," "trust the process." In essence, they demonstrate that they don't trust the process, their voice, their work, and are simply fearful about where they are. Why can't it be easier? Why can't they just write without adding criteria? Why use this format, because it is too restricting? Why not use multiple voices? Again, their questions demonstrate their resistance to trust and their own possibilities.

They are the tofu Goldberg talks about: impossible to wrestle with, they are simply inert beings this morning. Everything I require, right now, is wrong--which they tell me, by sighing hugely, staring at the clock, telling they didn't get anything out of the exercise but they're sure I had a reason for assigning it--they just couldn't/didn't do it as I laid it out and if they did, it failed for them. But the thing that is wrong is the assignment, not their own resistance. They are stuck in their process, unwilling to acknowledge that they've reached a place where they must work harder to achieve success. Untrusting of their own talent or ability, so undercutting it by presenting poor work and blaming the process.

What they don't understand is that they are creating a failure trap for themselves: they'll tell themselves they fail because the assignments were "wrong" or "too hard," not because they didn't step up. Not because they slipped the criteria (because they were "hard") or because they put off the work (because they were "busy"). Their writing is not about me, but about what they bring to the assignments and to the class--which, today, was discouragingly little.

On another day, they'll be lively and fun. They'll jump in and grow. They'll stop standing betweenthemselves and the work, and they'll be fine.

But that is another day.