May 1: Fate

The best laid plans... as Robbie Burns said.

Yesterday I figured out that I was going to spend part of this morning getting my car horn fixed and my failed inspection status fixed. Last night I figured out that I needed to replay my intention of seeing three short student plays after I started feeling bad after a pub dinner out.

Today, I cancelled my class (the last one of the year!) because my innards were still queasy and uneasy. I also cancelled the car repairs and the student plays.

Despite my good intentions, I spent the morning taking care of emails and writing, then crashed. I slept all afternoon on the couch, until about thirty minutes ago. Wow. I guess my body figured out that the semester was over, hence both the digestive reverb and the nap. It happens, fairly predictably.

I did manage to take care of the following:

1. posting on my blogs
2. emailing thanks to last night's guest plus notes to friends
3. editing current ms.
4. reallocating one retirement account's assets and transferring another's to a different type of account
5. recheduling dentist, doctor/gyno, and vet checkups for Jack and me
6. watching mama mockingbird in her nest
7. taking the trash out
8. washing dishes
9. hardboiling eggs and making lunch out of a big salad with one of them
10. making a shopping list for the drugstore or Target

Pretty good for Sleeping Beauty. T'morrow I have to be at the mechanic by 7:30 am, ready for a couple hours in a coffee shop with the laptop--no napping allowed.

Starting tomorrow...

For May, I have some very specific goals.

1. Clear the paper clutter in my apartment
2. Add thirty minutes of daily exercise
3. Write 2K words on the novel every day
4. Initiate a Pantry Challenge for pantry, freezer, cupboards
5. Prepare my class for Oxford: lectures, readings, YouTube clips

Beyond that, I must take care of my car's bumper, initiate programs for the 2012-2013 year, dry cleaner & tailor items, finish up this year's programs and get Jack's med for flights. Odds and ends, here and there.

But getting ready for travel is uppermost, hence the exercise. Also, a ban on sugar and wheat. Apart from likker. But no more M&Ms, no more ice cream, no more frozen yogurt meals.

Bad choices

In a post the other day, The Simple Dollar suggested that we consider five things in our lives that "inject poison" into our lives. Meaning little things that bring down my attitude, my self-esteem, and my finances. Here goes.

Part One: Identifying toxic spots in my life.
1. A friend who has recently begun to act as if I am less of a valued friend and more of an "old reliable." Changes in his job have brought him a new circle of people, and the result is that I am seeing less of him, and when I do, it is clear that he has "made the time." He texts and takes calls while we're at dinner, talks about people I don't know, and is constantly ignoring me at parties at his house in favor of newer folk. I don't care if he has more friends, but I don't like feeling like a convenience or second choice. I come away feeling irritable, unimportant, and like someone he can call "whenever."

2. Too much TV. Even though I got rid of cable, the current combination of Netflix and iTunes sucks me in, too. I come away feeling like I've wasted too many hours daily on that, rather than research, teaching, or writing, the things I want and need to fit into my day, things that will move me toard my goals. TV is passive and sedentary. I end up feeling tense and pressured to catch up.

3. Hamburger and fries. One of my favorite meals, but it definitely leaves me groggy and feeling bad for two days after. Also, I only get this meal at a restaurant, which means I am also spending money on this when I have a houseful of food, and unless the H&F is really, really good, it's too much money for something equal to McDonald's fast food. Which I don't ever buy.

4. "To do" lists. I tend to overload them, which means I can never complete them or accomplish enough. I'm sure everyone can identify the toxic residue here.

5. My school office. I don't like to work there, never do research there, and spend no more time in it than I must. It simply feel wrong, and I can't wait to leave.

This is the negative part of the event: identifying the small poisons that we live with or bring into our lives that bite into us. The really interesting part of the inspirational post, however, is the actions the blogger took to mediate or transform the bad situation into a good one. Right: he didn't just bitch or vent.

Part 2: Solutions

My friend: I have two choices, the first being to renegotiate our relationship solo so that I am not really friends with him any more (and thus wouldn't be expecting anything from him), while the second is to sit down and be honest with him. Truthfully, I don't know if he can take the honesty, but since my relationship with him is important to me, that's the way I choose to go. At best, our friendship will be stronger, which is what I hope will happen.

One reason I also believe the honesty is necessary: I am not the only person who has mentioned this behavior. Meaning it ain't just me: it's him, and it's costing him friends. But our talk will only about our friendship--not gossip.

TV: This is a tough one. Two thoughts: set a daily limit on TV hours, and add a reward system for bonus hours.

Honestly, I LOVE TV. Find me a good program and I am quickly addicted. More, I am addicted to reruns, like rereading a good book. Netflix streaming makes this way too easy! Yes, it's cheaper than cable, easier to opt out of bad programs, and works to my crazy schedule (all secondary reasons I turned off the cable in the first place).

My limit: 4 hours/day. Reward system: completing to do list = another hour, etc. I can negotiate with myself to make this work. Or I can always read.

Hamburger and Fries: Put myself on a no H&F diet. Replace this favorite meal with better stuff at a better restaurant. Keep from giving in to hunger/convenience pangs. Remember the bad way I feel after the short-term pleasure dissipates.

"To Do": Make a list with no more than five items on it for the day, keep on them until I finish them. Have real expectations, but let myself off the hook when "life" intervenes. Start there.

Office: Sigh. No ideas. I've rearranged, brought in coffee and tea, added happy student pictures. My feeling is more about the obligation to be there than the office itself. It's the long hall where my co-workers keep their doors closed, don't stop by to say hello, and where students only come to visit with problems. So one solution might be to get out of the office but stay in the building: to be present in the halls and green room spaces, to be outside in front or back--not just in my office. To stop by and say hi to my co-workers when they're in (which I try to do). To make the entire experience of the building happier, with my office only as an anchor.

In any case, now that I've identified these five, I want to work on them. Each one makes me feel nasty, often with a hangover into the next day. Today I'm just going to start with the TV and the "to do" list. Small steps.

Update: For the last two days the "5 Things to do list" has gotten completed. I did far more than those five things, but I got a definite sense of accomplishment from identifying 5 items from my overall list, doing them, and crossing them off. Everything else: there's always tomorrow! 

Cooking This Week and My New Deal!

Ths week I am really pleased because I started a new deal with my nephew, who is 20 years old. He and I are going to be diet-and-exercise buddies, long distance. Both of us agree that we need to lose weight and simply become healthier in 2012, so we're pairing off.

This week: Start and keep a food and exercise diary. Then we'll talk by phone and make specific plans for healthier diets and cookery, more exercise, and hopefully weight loss. No goals set yet, just observing our regular habits (hint: mine were terrible during this first week of classes! Stress played its part, as did poor planning.)

I did cook this week, however:

• Southwest Chicken with Black Beans (in the slow cooker)
• White Bean and Sausage Soup (also in slow cooker)

In both cases, the main ingredients came completely out of my pantry and freezer. In the chicken recipe, I used dried black beans (after overnight soaking), two chicken breasts, and a jar of salsa (locally-made, too). With nothing more than a little homemade chicken stock, oregano, and cumin, this was a really easy mix, left to cook on low for 7-8 hours.

For the soup, I used dried white beans (again, after overnight soaking), homemade chicken stock, and two chicken-and-apple sausages (organic, made locally). A can of diced tomatoes, a splash of white wine, bay leaf, and chopped onion: mix it all together, cook on low for 5 hours. In this case, I didn't have the 5 cups of chicken stock, so used about 3 cups water: tasted a little weak, but fine in terms of seasonings.

The great news is that everything came from stuff I had on hand, which is always my plan. Here's a great site for slow cooker recipes that are also healthy--not always the same thing, unfortunately.

What I cooked this week

As usual, I am trying to combine my cookery with frugal planning. This week I made lentil soup and a Mexican/Southwestern salad.

Lentil soup is one of my favorite home cookery soups. I have a great recipe from Epicurious.com, found under the reviews for the basic soup recipe (check out the Cook from San Francisco's notes). I also use the recipe found in The Moosewood Cookbook. The great thing about lentil soup is that it is filling and cheap; as a cold-weather soup, it is perfect. I can also dress it up as much as I like: make it vegetarian or add pork, bacon, or sausage.

I used my Le Creuset 2 qt. Dutch oven for all of it; this gave me three 2 c. servings; increase as necessary for your table. It will also last up to a week in the fridge.

This week, I cooked it as follows:

• saute one chopped white onion + 1 tsp. minced garlic in 2 tsp. olive oil until translucent
• add 1 tsp. dried thyme, a bay leaf or two, a sprinkle of red pepper flakes (optional) and stir for 10 seconds
• add any or both of the following and saute for three minutes:
• 1 lb chopped sausage (chicken or pork)
• 1 c. chopped vegetables (carrots or celery)
• add 1/2 c. washed lentils and 5 c. liquid (chicken stock, vegetable stock, water), 1/4 c. red wine (optional), 2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar, and grind in black pepper to taste
• bring to a boil, then turn down to a bare simmer and let it cook an hour
• add one can diced/no-salt tomatoes and heat through
• serve!

I used hot Italian chicken sausage, and the outcome was a zesty alternative to the sometimes bland flavor of "just" lentils. I cooked three slices of bacon to crisp texture and crumbled it over the top. Delicious. You can also top it with sliced or shaved cheese, a dollop of yogurt, or fresh-cut herbs. With a salad and hearty bread, this can be a full meal; it can also accompany a sandwich or simple chicken or pork dish. Besides being cheap and filling, it doesn't need a lot of tending while cooking, so can be completed while you're doing something else in the kitchen or nearby.

I also made what most people call a Southwestern salad hereabouts: meaning a lot of Romaine covered with black beans, corn kernels, chopped plum tomatoes, chopped red onion, and sliced avocados, with a vinaigrette dressing that incorporates lime juice, oregano and chili powder. I combined everything but the Romaine and the avocados separately, storing it in a bowl. Then tossing that on top of the lettuce and adding the avocados on top, with the dressing on the side, made for a great lunch.  The salad is simple (1 can black beans, 1 cup corn, 1 lb. chopped tomatoes, 1/2 red onion) but fresh; the second day, the flavors are even better. It all lasts about three days in the fridge.

The dressing is the ticket: finding the right combination of flavors. You can add tortilla strips, sour cream or yogurt, and shredded cheese--or aoid all those calories by keeping it simple.

This is a nice alternative to the regular green salad, but can also be a meal--combine with the lentil soup, for example, or a sandwich, or a simple tortilla wrap.

Oh, and my money-saving adventures included using one of my gift cards for the movies: I saw Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and Iron Lady both on the same card, going to morning matinees, so that I have money left for two movies.

2012 Goals: The Beginnings

Given my ambitious personal goals for 2012, it is time I get started, right?

Having thought it over, my January goals are the following:

• Resources/Health: improve my daily energy, so I don't feel quite so tired at the end of every day
• Resources: deal with money issues hanging on from 2011 and re-think spending for 2012
• Creative Closure: submit second mss. to editor by 1.31
• Community: develop one new and one old "group"/community for 2012
• Living Situation: Goodwill, Salvation Army, and eBay by 1.31; insulate front and back doors

Since the spring semester begins on 1.17 and I have three new classes to jump-start, these goals are certainly do-able for the remaining part of the month.

Daily energy: this is the toughest, because it will require long-term changing of habits involving meals, exercise (ugh!), and hormones. You can't buy or find energy--you have to make it, yourself, by doing things differently. Not my strong suit. But... necessary. Changes will include:

• eating every 3-4 hours;
• increasing complex carbos (fruits and vegs, whole grains with B vitamins) to match already present proteins;
• taking vitamins daily;
• taking hormones every day;
• exercising 30-40 minutes at least 4 times weekly;
• getting 7-8 hrs. sleep every night;
• scheduling/organizing all of same, so as not to get behind/stressed.

Money issues include things like studying my monthly bills for where I can cut expenses; getting 2012 taxes completed; continuing to pay my credit cards steadily, while NOT using them (!); making my weekly/monthly grocery bills leaner--again, all long-term planning issues. It wouldn't hurt to get a jump on my 2011 taxes, either; since I've been keping better records, that should be easier than it ever has been.

Submitting the second mss. means writing at least five times weekly, with a weekly page tally of about 25-40 pages. I'm 2/3 of the way through this mss., but need editing time as well. That means one to two hours daily for writing.

Enriching my group work might already be solved: I have an invitation to join a local women's group in my area of expertise, I am working with a local theatre group already on a solid project, and I have a social group that should be meeting again (for the second time) this month. Again, just needs scheduling.

And the work on donations, selling, and the house? One shot deals, each of which require some preparation time but nothing too much. I can get one of these done per week, or over a particularly empty weekend.

What accomplishing these means is that by the end of this month, I'll feel better (although I am considering that the "energy" issues are really a three-month project, considering the need to change old habits for grounded, new ones), my bank account will be leaner and meaner, my house will be cheaper & warmer, more clutter will be gone, I'll have two new group relationships developed, and I'll be moving onto mss. #3... a great kick-start to 2012!

Resolutions -- or Goals! -- for 2012

It's that time of year again, and I have to assess 2011's goals and repurpose them for 2012.

Thankfully, this is not too hard to do, since I have been pretty steadily working on each of my 2011 goals and thinking a lot during the last week about how to revise them for 2012.

Here we go!

2011's goals were, as I took them in this blog:

1. Improve Overall Health
2. Change My Living Situation
3. Manage My Resources
4. Build a Better Community
5. See Creative Work to Closure

Health: This was only an okay goal, over the course of the year. While I worked on stabilizing my hormones and depression, I did not embrace exercise. For that reason, my weight and overall condition did not improve (note to self: it's true about exercise!). Positive outcomes: my depression is under control, my mood swings and other perimenopause symptoms are under control. My allergies/sinus problems flared up in the final weeks, but using a humidifier every night (!) as well as increasing my intake of H2O hugely improved that, rather than the OTC remedies I started with. Overall, I am in great health. Negative outcomes: my LDL cholesterol is high and not coming down, my weight is still over the line and not budging except bits and tweaks. I need to lose serious poundage and remember to maintain my health through habits of hydration, nutrition, movement, and meditation.

Living Situation: 100% improvement, maybe 150%. No more crackhead landlord, no more cracker box, reduced rent, more green space, and more light. Thsi one was a total success, despite sacrificing a good deal of savings on the 3-month overlap of spaces.

Resources: Time is a constant battle, between "shoulds" and "want tos." Yo, I'm human. However I did add the Rescue Time Robot to my desktop, and it tells me I am 79% more productive than average. So shut up, Critic's Voice! Money is another, different battle, but this year I did pretty well. I have a more affordable appartment (and even though I might only be saving $100/month, the happiness factor makes that huge). I rearranged my retirement $$ is a way that makes me feel more secure. I opened several successful venues of frugality for decluttering, including selling unwanted items. Energy is the real battle, and that's the 2012 focus.

Community: This, too, was a success. I joined a short story group of women I enjoy and while we've only met once, I look forward to more meetings. I opened myself to the performing community in town, and am building bridges there. I opened myself to the community on my campus, and am trying to open out of my division, my school, and into the university in a positive way. I need to set more goals here, however, and be open to groups of strangers.

Creative: This was a big success! I sold my first novel (coming out in June!) and have almost completed the second, which I am certain will be equally salable. I sent out my short plays in a month-long binge and have had one hit so far, and three rejections (so I've got a long way to go). It felt great, however, challenging myself to complete and submit projects.

Overall, 2011 was a good year in terms of my goals. I plan to build on that in 2012:

Improve Overall Health: not much change here in direction. However, I plan to focus specifically on maintaining good habits (like using the humidifier every night) while building new ones (like 30 minutes of movement every day). I'd like to add daily meditation and vitamins, but I think I'll be conservative in this area, since it is one that truly needs daily focus.

• January-April: make it a habit to spend 30 minutes every day in movement of some kind
• May-August: add daily meditation (which will work with my 2012 summer plans)
• Sept-December: add supplements and vitamins
• get a mammogram
• get a colonoscopy
• get a dermascan 

Living Situation: This is easy. Renew lease on apartment (i.e., don't move!). More, start researching the pre-fab house I love in detail through contacting the company and chatting with them. And start looking at the places I think I want to build it: Oregon, Northern California, and Washington are the three places I'm thinking about now. But they might stink once I look around. So... research.

Resources: As ever, my biggest battle will be managing time. I have come to hate scheduling and to-do lists. And yet.... I need a new car, I need a new mattress & box spring, I need to pay down (or off) my credit cards. All worthy goals, all hard to do at the same bloody time! This year I want to build on my basic foundations of frugal saving and repurposing and decluttering: I find that I am about done with the wholesale donations to Goodwill, etc., and while that is an easy and intelligent manner of getting things OUT OF MY HOUSE (and onto my tax savings) I must needs find other ways to open what one of my favorite blogs refers to as "additional revenue streams." And finding new energy is part of the Health intiatives above, plus the hormones.

Community: continued reaching out, across phone, email, work/personal connections to develop relationships with new people/groups as well as people I already like, love, and connect with.

• Habitat for Humanity: in the Dallas area
• Alum group: for connections and fundraising/support of current programs
• Short story group
• Theatremakers/academics/women in both

Creative: Here, I have very specific goals

• Finish and sell second and third novels
• Binge with short plays in February and Sept-Oct
• Journal daily: dreams, ideas, etc.
• Finish and send two reviews
• Finish and send encyclopedia entries
• Polish and send two articles (from ALA papers, 2011) to journals
• Present two-three conference papers (one scheduled, July)
• Blog daily (in either blog) and continue to post my own photos

Here is my overall goal for 2012: Make lemonade all year long, every day.

I am so tired of negativity, including my own. I really believe everything is an opportunity, seen in the right light. Context and response are everything... they can turn what looks like failure or an impass into something wonderful. Not to be goopy or stupid about it, but to stop letting myself define my view by others' vision. Ugh! Especially since I am butt-tired of the men in my life having stupid, negative, misanthropic outlooks anyway.

Oh, does that sound negative? Nope: it's all good.